Humorous Quotes Seen on UseNet
This is just some silly stuff (and a couple devastating
insults) I've come across on UseNet news and Slashdot. I've only included a
few by Larry Wall, the author of the perl language and one of
the wackiest guys on the net, but the CPAN archive has a
comprehensive list of them.
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"We are Linux. Resistance is an indication that you missed the
point." --Brandon Allbery (allbery@kf8nh.apk.net)
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"We build confusing systems; we haven't done a very good
job" --Microsoft senior vice president Jim Allchin, at the 1998
WinHEC Conference
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"I guess this is another example of the 'vision' of Bill Gates
(reminds me of Unicron from the Transformers)." -- Anonymous
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"One gets the impression that if Bill Gates went on TV and
confessed to everything the DOJ and States accused him of,
you'd implode in a frenzy of cognitive dischord." --Ben
(angben@minn.net)
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"Note to self... don't piss off a perl guru with a cause..."
--BoredAtWork
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"The vast majority [of] Perl users need threads the way a
five-year-old needs an Uzi. Maybe even not that much." --Tom
Christiansen (tchrist@jhereg.perl.com)
-
"Freud would have had to write a whole new book about you."
--Peter da Silva (peter@taronga.com)
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"Did your brain explode, or is paying attention to
the topic beyond the capability of your elitist yankee ego?"
--Peter da Silva (peter@taronga.com)
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"I develop for Linux for a living, I used to develop for DOS.
Going from DOS to Linux is like trading a glider for an F117."
--Lawrence Foard (entropy@world.std.com)
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"Calls to local [DEC] VARs... demonstrated that the VARs knew
less about scientific computing than Pauly Shore." --goofoff
-
"Making real interoperability between NT and standards
based systems involves invoking spirits and performing animal
sacrifices." --Greg (greg@rage.net)
-
"Rest assured, that starting this month, Microsoft will be
doubling as a wholesale support facility for Lawyers."
--R.W. Hutchinson (rwhutch@nr.infi.net)
-
"Do you enjoy looking like an idiot, or does it come
naturally?" --jd9812@my-deja.com
-
"Are you impressed? Are you thinking to yourself that The Gimp
has got to be the single greatest thing since Linux itself?
Are you willing to hurl America On-Line floppy disks at high
velocities at the neck of anyone who suggests that you need to
pay $500 for a decent photo manipulation tool? I thought so."
--Rob Malda (malda@slashdot.org)
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"NT 5.0 is the last nail in the Unix coffin. Interestingly,
Unix isn't in the coffin... It's wondering what the heck is
sealing itself into a wooden box 6 feet underground..."
--Jason McMullan
-
"I used Visual Basic. I liked Visual Basic. I liked it
a lot. I used Delphi. Visual Basic sucks so hard it bends
light. It's amazing what a little bit of perspective does."
--Anthony Ord (nws@rollingthunder.demon.co.uk)
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"...I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil.
I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil,
it wouldn't need an interpreter." --Nicholas Petreley, Infoworld,
September 1997
-
"Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other
invention in human history, with the possible exception of
handguns and tequila." --Mitch Radcliffe
-
"On the whole, we've found that not having a phalanx of idiots
in expensive suits [i.e. marketing] between us and our
customers helps us stay closer to their real needs. Instead,
we get our customer input via the Internet and direct
peer-to-peer communication of day-to-day bugs, problems and
opportunities." --Eric S. Raymond (esr@snark.thyrsus.com),
Infoworld, June 1998
-
"When Cygnus drops your Unix platform, you know you're
marginalized." --Remande (remande@bigfoot.com)
-
"The day I find a telnet-5250 app for Linux, PCOM [for
Windows 95] will be kicked out so hard they won't track it
with a radio telescope." --Leonardo Serni
(L.Serni@agora.stm.it)
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"But time and time again, Jesse Berst has demonstrated that he
clearly wouldn't know a clue if it sneaked up on him and
chomped his naughty bits." --Shag (djb@scream.org)
-
"If you've been pounding nails with your forehead for
years, it may feel strange the first time somebody hands you a
hammer. But that doesn't mean that you should strap the hammer
to a headband just to give your skull that old familiar jolt."
--Wayne Throop (throopw%sheol.uucp@dg-rtp.dg.com)
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"First off, I'd suggest printing out a copy of the GNU
coding standards, and NOT read it. Burn them, it's a great
symbolic gesture." --Linus Torvalds (torvalds@transmeta.com)
-
"When you say `I wrote a program that crashed Windows',
people just stare at you blankly and say `Hey, I got those
with the system, *for free*'" --Linus Torvalds
(torvalds@transmeta.com)
-
"I've run DOOM more in the last few days than I have the
last few months. I just love debugging." --Linus Torvalds
(torvalds@transmeta.com)
-
"We all know Linux is great... it does infinite loops in 5
seconds." --Linus Torvalds (torvalds@transmeta.com)
-
"Software is like sex; it's better when it's free." --Linus
Torvalds (torvalds@transmeta.com)
-
"The memory management on the PowerPC can be used to
frighten small children." --Linus Torvalds
(torvalds@transmeta.com)
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"The new Linux anthem will be `He's an idiot, but he's ok',
as performed by Monthy Python. You'd better start practicing."
--Linus Torvalds (torvalds@transmeta.com)
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"Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin
really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they
have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of
100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if
they had." --Linus Torvalds (torvalds@transmeta.com)
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"Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road
to hell is paved with melting snowballs." --Larry Wall
(larry@wall.org)
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"I'll say it again for the logic impaired." --Larry Wall
(larry@wall.org)
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"Tactical? TACTICAL!?!? Hey, buddy, we went from kilotons
to megatons several minutes ago. We don't need no stinkin' tactical
nukes. (By the way, do you have change for 10 million
people?)" --Larry Wall (larry@wall.org)
-
"Personally, I like to defiantly split my infinitives"
--Larry Wall (larry@wall.org)
-
"There's some entertainment value in watching people juggle
nitroglycerin." --Larry Wall (larry@wall.org)
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"Be grateful that There Is More Than One Way To Do It [in perl],
because most of them don't work in Win32 perl" --Larry Wall
(larry@wall.org)
-
"Lisp has all the visual appeal of oatmeal with fingernail
clippings mixed in." --Larry Wall (larry@wall.org)
-
"It's God. No, not Richard Stallman, or Linus Torvalds,
but God." --Matt Welsh (mdw@sunsite.unc.edu)
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"VMS is about as secure as a poodle encased in a block of
lucite... about as useful, too." --wendigo@pobox.com
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"Again, the cluebus needs to hit you and then back up and
hit you again." --Brian Wheeler (bdwheele@indiana.edu)
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"I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's
source code than 10 minutes listening to Musak waiting for
technical support which isn't." --Dr. Greg Wettstein,
Roger Maris Cancer Center
-
"So, how do you Control-Alt-Delete a DC-9?" --Dan Whipple
(pswhip@lerc.nasa.gov)
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"Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX." --Stephan
Zielinski
Troy A. Baer
Last modified: Mon Feb 7 20:21:21 EST 2000