(By Penny A. Proctor.  See Chapter 1 for disclaimers)

Indiana was flat. To the best of his knowledge, this was the first time Jake Sisko had ever been in Indiana, and his first and overwhelming impression was that it was flat. From the porch of the Janeway farm, he could look south over fields of corn and beans that seemed to stretch to the horizon. The view to the east, though, included some towering oaks and maple trees with lush, emerald leaves. The morning air was already heavy with humidity; the weather forecast was for rain, and the thickening gray skies seemed to promise it would come soon. As he sat on the rail and studied his surroundings, he wondered how long he would have to wait.

The answer was in front of him almost as soon as the question formed in his mind. The front door opened, and a woman came out. Her Starfleet uniform was crisp and immaculate, and sported four pips. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Sisko," she said with a cordial smile. "I’m Kathryn Paris."

Startled, he almost spilled his coffee as he rose. "No apologies necessary, Captain. Mrs. Harris told me you had been delayed."

"Would you mind if I got myself a cup of coffee before we talk? I’ll just be a minute." With a smile, she disappeared back inside the house.

Jake leaned back against the railing and wondered again why she had asked to meet with him. The youngest child of Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres had contacted him last week, saying that she was going to be on Earth briefly and would like to talk with him about his book. Obviously her father had told her about his meeting with Jake six months earlier. He hoped she was not going to try to talk him into concealing what he had learned.

She reappeared with a large mug in hand and an appreciative expression on her face. "Mrs. Harris makes the best coffee in the alpha quadrant. Come, let’s sit down." She indicated to large wooden chairs on the porch with a view of the trees.

He studied her closely, looking for signs of her parents in her. Although he knew that she was just over forty years old, she looked younger. Her long dark hair was pulled back and clipped almost exactly as Jadzia Dax had worn hers decades ago, although she was closer to Ezri Dax in size and build. Unlike her brothers, Kathryn Paris showed no traces of Klingon heritage in her bone structure. Deep brown eyes looked back at him with patience and, perhaps, amusement.

"You have your mother’s eyes," he said at last, remembering the thousands of images of B’Elanna Torres he had studied over the years.

She smiled. "Most people think so. You are probably wondering why I asked to speak with you, Mr. Sisko."

"I’m guessing it has to do with my book about Captain Janeway and Voyager."

"Yes. My father told me about your interview with him, and I’ve spoken to Reg Barclay as well." She blew on her coffee before sipping it. "You’re going to reveal a lot of long-kept secrets, Mr. Sisko."

"And you would prefer that I don’t?"

She laughed. "I admit, that was my first thought. Secrets can be very comforting sometimes, and we get used to carrying them around."

"You have secrets, Captain?"

"Don’t we all, Jake? I'm going to call you Jake because we’re about to become good friends. Call me Katie." She smiled broadly, revealing a matched set of dimples. "I wasn’t pleased about your book at first, but Dad and I had a long talk about it. If you insist on telling this story, you really ought to tell all of it – and you don’t know the end of it yet."

He looked at her, surprised. "After the trials, everything is more or less public record. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay taught at the Academy for two years, then took a five year mission to the Gamma quadrant on the USS Slayton. When they came back, they went to work on Project Magellan, and shipped out on the Voyager-A in 2400. They never married, but they were never separated from one another, either. Starfleet just stopped asking about their relationship and let them stay together as a command team."

"All of it true, as far as it goes." She rose, and walked to the edge of the porch. There was a surprising tenseness about her. "On second thought, this story might be easier to tell on the move. Mind walking with me?"

He followed her down the steps and onto a well-worn path that led back into the trees. Captain Paris spoke as they walked. "She left this place to me. The Harrises take care of it for me. I ought to just sell it to them, but I can’t seem to find the heart to give it up. Phoebe’s kids don’t want it, and at least this way it stays in the family."

"She was very close to your parents."

"Oh, yes. She and Chakotay both. I never met them face to face, you know. I was born about six months after Voyager-A shipped out. But Captain Janeway wrote to me. My mother saved the letters until I was old enough to understand." She paused under a maple tree, reached up with one hand and touched a low-hanging branch. "I’ve never shared those letters with anyone, Jake, not even Dad. He’s got a pretty good idea of what’s in them, but he’s never read them. Mom… I had to talk about some of it with Mom but I never let her read them, either. Up until now, they’ve been mine alone."

"Look, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you would rather not –"

"No, it’s time. Voyager's journey was remarkable, but you know that already, don't you? My parents often told us that those years in the Delta quadrant were the most important of their lives. I think that was true for the entire crew, one way or another. "

"Yes, I agree. Even though it seemed to be a tragedy initially."

"A tragedy. Yeah. And it turned out to be an epic adventure, and I use the word 'epic' advisedly. It's a story with everything, Jake, including romance."

 

Dear Katie,

Today I want to tell you about Chakotay. The funny thing is, I don’t know exactly how to begin. I could tell you what he looks like, but by now you know that. I could tell you about the things you can’t see in the vids, about his inner strength and his humor and above all, his patience, but I don’t have the right words and it would come out sounding like so much mush. Maybe what I really want to tell you about is Chakotay and me, together.

Once, when we were first back from the Delta quadrant, a reporter asked B’Elanna whether she thought her marriage to Tom would survive away from Voyager. Instead of ripping his face off – which I considered a genuine possibility – she simply said, "Of course." That’s how it has been with Chakotay and me, almost from the moment we met. Something inside me said, "Of course."

Not that we managed it well at first. There were so many things against us…starting with the fact that we were supposed to be enemies. And I was engaged to a dear man back home. The circumstances required that I make him my first officer. Any of one of those factors should have provided sufficient moral and ethical reasons to back off, to pretend that we didn’t feel what we felt. We tried. We did try. But eventually we realized that whatever it was between us – and it took us a long time to use the "l" word – was inevitable, and we stopped fighting it.

Once we stopped, I wondered why we had ever tried. Love is a powerful thing, Katie. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Chakotay’s love gave me the strength to get through those years in the Delta quadrant, to do what needed to be done.

We kept our relationship to ourselves while we were in the Delta quadrant. The first time, it was so unexpectedly precious that we didn’t want to share it with anyone. The second time we decided that we wouldn’t go public until we were certain we had worked out the problems inherent in mixing the command and personal relationships. We got home before we ever felt comfortable enough to tell the crew. He and I knew the truth, and that was enough.

As it turned out, our discretion served us well. By the time you read this, you will know about the trials that took place when we returned. There were those who tried to turn our relationship into something shameful. They will tell you that I sat in the witness box and denied our relationship. And I admit to you, I misled them – not out of shame or fear, but because it was the only way defeat the people who were using me as a pawn in their power play. He understood and agreed with me, and that was all that mattered to me.

They will tell you we never married. And it is true that we never filed a certificate of marriage with any legal authority. We didn’t because if we had, we would not have been permitted to serve together in the same command structure. It is a breach of protocol for a captain to take a lover among the command team, but it is a breach of regulations when that lover becomes a legal spouse. That does not mean that our union was not a sacred commitment.

When the trials were finally over, and the celebrations concluded and the family reunions complete, Chakotay and I went to his homeworld. It had been nearly ten years since the Cardassians destroyed it, but the devastation was still evident. What had once been a jungle world was a barren, rocky planet that nature was only beginning to reclaim. All that remained of the colony were lumps of melted stone and metal that were covered with moss and lichen. I am not a fanciful person, Katie, but the air was heavy with spirits of the dead. They pressed around us, neither threatening nor welcoming, simply watching.

We walked, holding hands, until he stopped suddenly and looked around. There was a look of uncertainty on his face. "What is it?" I asked.

He didn’t answer me immediately. "I think…" Then he knelt by one of the lumps of stone and began brushing away the lichen. "I marked it when I was here last time, so I could find it again."

I knelt beside him and watched. In a moment, the bare stone was visible. There was no mark on it. He moved to another lump and wiped away the moss, then moved on to the next. The stone was cutting the palms of his hand, but he did not notice. When the fourth stone was revealed to be as bare as the others, I stopped him from moving again. "What is it? What are you looking for?"

"My father’s house." There were tears glittering in his eyes. "I can’t find it, Kathryn. I can’t find the house I grew up in."

There was so much pain in his voice. He hardly ever let anyone see that pain, even me, and hearing it, seeing it in his eyes, undid me. I took him in my arms as we knelt on the ground but instead of giving him comfort, I found myself weeping. The waste of it all, the terrible terrible waste, weighed down on me and I wept for Chakotay, and for his family and his people, and for all the Maquis who died because of an ill-conceived treaty with a dishonorable enemy.

"Shh," he said to me, "shh. Don’t cry, love. Don’t cry for me."

"You’ve lost your home," I mumbled. I wanted to say more, but that was the easiest thing to articulate.

He raised my head so that I could see his eyes. The pain in them was almost gone. He wiped the tears off my face. "No, I haven’t. You are my home, Kathryn."

We made love there, in the dust and the moss while the spirits of the dead looked on, and it was a sacrament.

It may not sound like much of a wedding, Katie, but the vows we made to each other that afternoon were as binding as anything we could have said in a courthouse or chapel. We knew the truth of it, and that was enough. For us, that was always enough.

 

Katie Paris leaned against the trunk of an ancient oak tree and looked at Jake. "Not exactly the stuff of fairy tales, but it feels right, somehow."

Jake found himself agreeing. Still, he looked the younger woman with curiosity. It seemed out of character for Kathryn Janeway, an intensely private individual, to write such an intimate letter to a girl she never even met. Wondering how to broach that question without seeming rude, he said only, "You were named for her."

She grinned and folded her arms across her chest. "Have you looked at the children of the Voyager crew? Most of the girls have some form of Kathryn in their name. It gets very confusing at the reunions." Then she shook her head. "My son Mark is in his first year at the Academy. He’s dating Harry Kim’s granddaughter, Kathryn. At least they call her Rynna, so we don’t go crazy when we’re all at the dinner table."

"Is it serious?"

"As serious as most romances are at that age. You know, that still wasn’t the end of the story."

"I guessed it wasn’t. You look like you have something more on your mind."

Her mouth tugged far to one side. "You see why I don’t play poker. Bear with me, it might take me a little while to work up to it. You know that they taught at the Academy for two years. That was really an excuse to get caught up on everything that happened while they were gone. The Dominion War changed more than the political atmosphere of the Federation; it produced a tremendous number of technological advances as well. By now you understand Kathryn Janeway well enough to know she wouldn’t take another command until she felt she had mastered them all."

He finished the last of his coffee. The sun was well up now, and the air was beginning to feel steamy, more like Louisiana. "Yes, but I never had the feeling that the Slayton assignment was her idea. It seemed to come up very quickly."

"Yes and no. Starfleet kept it under wraps until the negotiations for safe passage were concluded, but she knew for over a year it was her mission." Katie began walking again. The path led them deeper into the shade, where the air was not quite so oppressive. "It might have been easier if that had been general knowledge. There were still those who thought she and Chakotay presented some kind of threat to the Federation."

"Or at least, to their vision of the Federation. Oh, I know. The trials were a setback for the Federation Firsters, but not the end of them. That came later, when Picard – but I'm getting off the subject. You were telling me about the Slayton mission."

"Yes. Originally my parents and brothers were slated to go on the Slayton. It was a Sovereign-class ship, with families."

"What happened?"

"How much do you know about my mother’s accident on Utopia Planetia?"

He mentally rifled through his files to come up with an answer. "Lt. Torres was testing a prototype for the enhanced warp engine when there was a breach. She was able to avert a total disaster, but there was a radiation leak of some kind and she was badly hurt."

"That’s right. Remember when it happened?"

"Let's see, it was … it was just before the Slayton left, wasn't it?"

"Three days. Mom was too badly hurt to go, but the mission couldn't be postponed. The Founders had set a rigid timetable. " She stopped and turned to face him. "What most people don’t remember is that Captain Janeway was supposed to be present at that test. She was actually at the shipyards when she got word that her mother had collapsed and she returned to Earth." She shot Jake a sideways look. "Did you ever read the report on the cause of the accident?"

Jake shook his head.

"It wasn’t an accident. The investigators found evidence of a small device in the debris. They figure it was on a timer and slowly sliced its way through the warp containment baffle. The only reason my mother was able to prevent a complete core breach – which would have destroyed virtually all of the shipyards – was that she arrived earlier than scheduled and found the problem before it was irrevocable. She was early because she didn’t have to go through the formal process of briefing Captain Janeway. If things had gone on schedule, it would have been too late by the time they reached the laboratory."

He stared. "Are you saying it was a deliberate attempt to kill Captain Janeway?"

"It was deliberate sabotage, that’s official. And no one in the Federation First movement would have wept if Kathryn Janeway had died."

 

Dear Tom,

We couldn't get any leeway with the launch date. We have to leave tomorrow or not at all. There's too much at stake to cry off now. This is our chance to prove to the Founders that we can be trusted to co-exist with them. I know you can't leave B'Elanna and the boys – I wouldn't let you even if you suggested it. I've spoken to Admiral Riordan, and you can have an assignment as a Flight Instructor at the Academy or a test pilot at the Perth facility if you want. B'Elanna can remain at Utopia Planetia or take an HQ assignment once she's back on her feet.

By now you know the accident wasn't an accident at all – but I don't think B'Elanna was the target. I don't even think they were after the shipyards. It may sound paranoid, but I think they were after me. There have been some threats, but I didn't take them seriously. Since we'll be in the Gamma quadrant for 5 years, you should be safe – by removing ourselves, we are removing the threat to our families.

You and B'Elanna and the boys are our family, Tom. A lot can happen in five years; maybe they’ll find someone else to hate, or maybe the Federation will finally find the will to rid itself of those who deal out death in the name of freedom. Give the boys a kiss for us, and tell B’Elanna we love her. Take care of them, and of yourself.

Kathryn

 

"She was right, by the time they got back, the danger had passed. They could have stayed on Earth, or taken a short term mission closer to home, but the Slayton mission just whetted their appetite for exploring. When they got back, the Magellan project was underway and they volunteered." Katie stopped. The path had led them to a small pond, with a wrought iron bench beside it. She sat down, and patted the other end for Jake.

"The planning process took nearly three years. It was the most ambitious exploration mission yet undertaken by Starfleet, and resolving the design of the generational ship took years by itself. They lived here at the farm, but they spent a lot of time with my parents. The four of them had always had a special relationship, but during that time they became closer than ever. My brother Harry remembers it well, because he thought the sun and the moon rose and set with Chakotay. T.J. was younger, but he remembers the way Kathryn used to help him with his arithmetic. They were family."

She paused, and looked at something on the other side of the pond. "Funny, I thought this would be easier."

"Take your time," Jake told her. "I’m not in a rush."

"Thanks. I should probably just tell you about that night. "

 

It was long past sunset, and Tom had lit the torches so that the balcony was illuminated by the soft firelight. He and B’Elanna were sharing a chaise, snuggled together with his arms around her. Kathryn and Chakotay sat side by side in comfortable chairs. They were all relaxed, the result of an excellent dinner and copious amounts of wine. "So, was it a happy birthday, Kathryn?" B’Elanna asked.

"Very. It was a lovely dinner."

"Then you can return the favor for B’Elanna’s birthday," Tom said. "Or better yet, just come babysit our hellions so we can get away."

Kathryn and Chakotay looked at one another, and B’Elanna straightened up. "Uh oh. What’s up, you two?"

It was Chakotay who answered. "We won’t be here for your birthday, B’Elanna."

"You’ve got a launch date." She said it flatly, knowing it was fact.

He nodded. "September 29."

"So soon?"

Kathryn smiled sadly. "It feels quick, doesn’t it? But we’ve been waiting almost three years for that date."

"It’s not too late if you want to come with us," Chakotay said quickly. "A lot of the old crew has signed on. Seven is coming, and we’ve just about got the go ahead to bring the Doctor with us. And Neelix is coming as head cook."

Tom looked envious in the flickering light. "I wish we could. Circumnavigating the galaxy – it’s an amazing mission. But –"

"But we can’t. Between my mother’s illness, and Owen’s stroke, and Harry’s spacesickness, we can’t leave now." B’Elanna looked as if she were on the verge of tears. "Oh, gods, we’ll never see you again."

"Don’t start," Kathryn said, her voice tight. "There’s time enough for that later."

The younger woman took a deep breath, and then looked at her husband. "I don’t think we should wait."

His eyes widened, then he nodded slowly. "You’re right."

"Wait for what?" Chakotay asked.

"We need to ask a favor," B’Elanna said. "A huge favor."

"Anything, you know that."

"Maybe not this." She turned to Tom, unable to go further.

"Ever since we realized we couldn’t go with you," he began awkwardly, "B’Elanna and I have been talking. As long as we’re stuck here, we would really like to have another baby. The thing is – "

"I can’t," she said bluntly. "At least, I can’t conceive one. The radiation from the accident damaged my DNA. I’m ok, but any child I conceive would have such extensive defects that it likely wouldn’t survive."

"Oh, B’Elanna."

"We’ve talked about adopting but –" she looked to Tom again.

"But what we would really like –" he broke off and shook his head. "Damn, this is hard. Ok, flat out: we’d like to have your baby."

There was a moment of silence. Finally B’Elanna broke it. " We’ve been approved for genetic donors because of the circumstances. We could get an anonymous donation but this way, if you agree, we…we’d have you with us even after you leave." Her voice became choked, and she stopped talking.

Kathryn blinked twice, looking stunned. "Well, you’ve certainly caught me by surprise."

"I know it’s a lot to ask-"

Kathryn waved her hand. "No, it’s just that, well, I’d given up on the idea of having children. By the time we’re far enough away from Starfleet to come out in the open with our relationship, it will be too late for us. We’d reconciled ourselves to that." She looked at Chakotay, who was quite still. "Could you leave a child behind?"

Very slowly, he nodded. "I think I would like to know that somewhere there is a child who is part of us. The best of us. And there is no one I would trust more to give our child a loving home."

"It’s not exactly the way I pictured it," she said.

Then he grinned, and caught her hand in his. "Kathryn, from the day I met you, nothing has gone exactly as I pictured it. And I wouldn’t change a day of it."

 

"That’s the way Mom – B’Elanna – told me the story."

Jake stared at the woman on the other end of the bench. He studied the auburn highlights in the dark hair, the fine, strong bones of her face, and the dimples when she smiled. Equal portions Janeway and Chakotay. And yet, there was something of Tom Paris’s humor in her eyes and the grace of B’Elanna Torres in her movements. "You have your father’s eyes," he said at last.

"Now you’ve got it right," she said, with a slight smile. A bolt of lightning split the sky a few miles away, followed by thunder loud enough to shake the ground. "We’d better get back."

They hurried up the path, through trees that were beginning to swish in the wind. Although he was in excellent shape for a man of his years, he was no longer accustomed to running and he was breathless when they made it up to the porch. No sooner were they safely under the roof when the rain began.

Katie Paris laughed as she looked out at the deluge. "It’s a good, old-fashioned Indiana thunderstorm. God, I miss these. That’s one thing about living on starships – you just can’t get good weather. The holodecks never get it exactly right."

"No, they don’t." He breathed deeply, trying to slow his heart. He needed to take up jogging again. "Are you sure you want me to use this, Katie? It probably will disrupt your life."

She shrugged. "The people who are important to me already know. Dad agrees, it’s time. Anyway, ‘that which we are, we are.’ No point in trying to hide it."

Jake smiled. "Tennyson?"

"It fits, don’t you think?"

"I’ll say this, Katie – you know how to finish a story."

"Oh, it’s probably not over yet. I like to think of them out there-" she gestured to the swollen, gray sky – "doing what they always did best and made them the happiest. Exploring. Together."

Jake nodded, imagining the gleaming starship amid uncharted stars, visualizing the man and the woman standing shoulder to shoulder on the command deck. "You're right. ‘To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths of all the western stars.’ That is what they were meant to do. That is where they belong."

-The End -